Biblical advice for ‘single again’ desiring re-marriage.

In my time ministering to Christians who were ‘single again’, there was always a need to sensitively address the ways in which such individuals were to conduct themselves and the posture their attitude and mind must adopt as Christians who were waiting for a new spouse for re- marriage. While this desire can be very strong while waiting, it’s important to remember that is advantageous for ourselves, our children and our loved ones to allow the ‘wait’ time to be such that it glorifies the Lord and is obedient to His ways.

Here are the main points I use to minister to those who are ‘waiting’.

  1. Commit your desire/s to the Lord

It’s ok to pray for a new spouse. It’s ok to talk to the Lord about your desires for re-marriage, done in His time and His way. But it’s imperative to commit your desires for a new spouse to Him. In committing your way/desires/life to the Lord, you are in essence saying, “Lord, your know my heart’s desires. But Your ways are better than mine and Your will for my life is what I desire the most. Align my will with Yours.” You are handing over the reins. You are getting out of the driver’s seat. You are taking yourself off the throne of your life and allowing the Lord to be in control. An old King David said it this way..

“Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him..” Psalm 37:3-7a

2. Foster a spirit of contentment

Being content would have to be one of the hardest virtues to grasp. Especially when you think you are missing out on what so many others around you appear to be enjoying. But scripture is clear about how important contentment is. The apostle Paul put it best when he said to the Philippians,

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be in need and in plenty. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and hungry, both to abound and suffer need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. ” Philippians 4:11-13

He said similar to Timothy in his first letter to him,

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.” 1 Timothy 6:6-8

Be content in your singleness. Be content to let the Lord have His way. Be content to trust His timing.

3. Wait upon the Lord

This waiting upon the Lord is an active process. We wait upon the Lord through the reading and meditation of His Word, prayer and devotion and worship. Biblical waiting is seen as a precious process because this waiting focuses on HIM, not on ourselves or our circumstances. We are promised that,

“Those who wait upon the Lord shall never be put to shame.” Psalm 25:3 and

“Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings of eagles, they shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not grow faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Also,

“Blessed are those who wait for Him.” Isaiah 30:18 and,

“Wait for the Lord and keep His way and He will exalt you to inherit the land. ” Psalm 37:34

And another to end..

“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7

4. Recognise your completeness in Him

A spouse- even the best one out there, can never ‘complete’ you. A spouse can complement your life but they certainly cannot complete your life. Only Christ can do that. Only in Christ are you complete. Paul said this to the Colossians,

“Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy or empty deceit, according to the traditions of men, according to the basic principles of this world and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily, and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” Colossians 2:8-10

The apostle Peter stated,

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, though the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue.” 2 Peter 1:3

5. Avoid idleness and temptation

While waiting, it’s imperative to keep active pursuing godly activities, fellowshipping with fellow believers and investing your time, talent and treasures wisely. Try to avoid situations that may place you in a compromising position that tempts you to sin. I’d go so far to say- Flee from such circumstances! Paul advised young Timothy,

“You are a man of God, flee ungodliness and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness and gentleness.” 1 Timothy 6:11 and

“Now flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22

I can personally relate to the ‘waiting’ process and how difficult it can be. But I can also tell you that when I committed my life and future to the Lord, the peace and contentment I gained as a result was immensely precious. I saw my Heavenly Father in a new and most beautiful light. I sensed His love, His provision and His providential power in deeper and more profound ways. For every season of waiting, for no matter what (or who) it’s for, every Christian can use it as another opportunity to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus and hold on to the sure hope that one day, our waiting will be forever over.

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